


Love is My Disease

by EndoratheWitch



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham (Video Games), Batman: Arkham - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham Unhinged (Comics), Harley Quinn (Comics), Suicide Squad (2016), The Joker - Fandom
Genre: Arkham Asylum, Arkham Verse, Bane Venom, Between Arkham Asylum and Arkham City, F/M, No abuse, Oral Sex, Sex, Smut, Some angst, Titan Virus, Titan program, Titan venom, Violence, arkham city, healthy Joker and Harley relationship relatively, murderous clowns, venom - Freeform, will improve I promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-03-14 16:41:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13594167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndoratheWitch/pseuds/EndoratheWitch
Summary: Events right after Arkham Asylum where Joker learns that Titan is doing something OTHER than killing him.





	1. Starting Back at Arkham

Harley, dressed in her orange asylum jumpsuit, was pressed up so hard against the glass of her cell that her cheek was flat and her lips were all squished as she tried to look down the hall. The cell she was in, like all the others, was a small room with no window except for the clear glass—or rather the transparent reinforced plastic wall—that allowed the patients no privacy. There was a toilet in the corner, and a cot that was attached to the wall, and nothing else except the dull, metal grey color of the walls and the urine shade of the light over head. She had heard earlier that day that they were bringing her puddin back into the asylum. She was so excited to see him she nearly vibrated...but she had also heard he was sick...terribly sick, though no one said how much or what from, but Harley was pretty sure she knew exactly what had made her Joker ill. Her heart twisted in her chest at the thought. She sighed and waited, continuing to try to look down the hall. 

There was a pot going on among the guards and other asylum staff about whether he was terminal or not. It made her so angry. She could have simply crushed all their throats, the way they talked about Mistah J, but the worse part was, she was terrified that he was terminal. She hadn't seen her puddin since the fight with Bats on the rooftop of the asylum. When was that? She frowned in thought; just yesterday? Maybe, she couldn't be sure since time seemed to have no meaning behind these grey walls. Her mind would become lost...floating on a cloud of medication of isolation. 

The stories were that Mistah J had taken the Titan virus himself and that he had changed into some kind of monster...like Bane, but only bigger, badder...funnier. She sighed. If it was true, she wished she could have been there to see her Mistah J clobbering Batsy. Harley sighed with longing, running a finger up and down on the side of her cell door, imagining her prince charming trying to kill Batman...she sighed like a lovesick teenager. She would have simply have done anything to see it. 

That was when she heard the dull sound of voices followed by a creak of rubber wheels against old, always damp floors of the asylum, but then she heard something magical, her puddin's laughter. 

“Hey boys...” A cough. “Is my Harley girl here? Do a guy a solid and put me in the cell next to her...please...” Joker giggled which was followed by a violent sounding cough. 

Harley squealed. “Mistah J! I'm here puddin!!” 

“Harley?!! Harley sweets!!! Is that you?!” Joker giggled and again, the horrid sounding cough followed. 

Harley called out. “Puddin!! Puddin!! Are you all right? What did that Bats do to you?” 

“Aw, come on guys, let a guy see his girl...please. Can a guy have one dying wish?” She heard Joker's voice echoing down the hall followed by one of the guards...Cash she thought, snarling. “Shut up clown. You don't get anything, you piece of shit. You get to die in the dark alone...just like you deserve.” 

Harley's eyes widened, her voice a whisper. “What?” 

She heard the squeak of the wheels and then the shadows coming down the dimly lit hall until finally the urine yellow light showed down on her Joker. He was tied down in a straightjacket to a wheeled angled metal bed. She could see he didn't look good. His pale skin was broken in by angry red rashes and the light in his eyes was dulled, his mouth was bloody and he had a few missing teeth. 

“Oh puddin,” Harley said softly, her eyes welling up with tears. “Oh puddin.” 

Joker grinned at her, that smile that made her insides turn to mush. “Oh, it's as bad as it looks sweets.” 

Harley's bottom lip shook. “No...oh no...” Tears started to fall down her cheeks making her blue eyes shimmer. 

Joker stuck his bottom lip out for a moment looking like a pouty child, but Harley could see the real pain in his eyes and it wasn't for him...but for her. “Don't cry pumpkin. Daddy wants to see that smile.” 

Harley tried to smile, but she just broke down into more tears. Joker sighed sadly. “My poor little pumpkin pie.” 

One of the doctors with Joker was Dr. Jeremiah Arkham, a fairly new young man having just joined the family business after finishing medical school. He wore a crisp new white doctor's coat over an expensive brown suit. His glasses had slid to the tip of his nose as he motioned for the guards to stop in front of Harley's cell without looking up from a clipboard he carried along with an elegant pen, not the sort you buy in a bag of twenty from the discount store. “Let him see his girlfriend.” 

“Sir I don't know if...” One of the guard's next to Cash looked up at the big man before he started to speak, but Arkham held his hand up. “We are here to heal, not punish. Joker has administered his own punishment and now he needs the comfort of his girlfriend in his last days, then I say he should have it. I want the patient in the cell here beside Miss Quinn...” He looked down at his clipboard. “Ah, Jane Doe. Let's have her moved and Joker put in her cell. You don't mind do you Jane?” 

From the darkened corner of the cell on Harley's left, a soft flat voice replied. “I don't mind doctor.” 

The woman named Jane Doe stepped out of the shadows of her cell and smiled. She reminded Harley of those flesh sculptures by Gunther von Hagens, where the flesh was stripped away to show the muscles underneath. Creepy...and she smelled funny, so Harley was more than happy to see her go and be replaced by her lover. 

Cash stepped forward. “Sir, you're new here. I don't think this is a good idea. Even dying, this man is dangerous. I think you should take this up with Dr. Strange; until then they should be separated. Putting these two anywhere near one another is just asking for trouble. I mean...look what just happened! This...Joker...took over the asylum!” 

Arkham glared. “Fine, we can take it up with Dr. Strange and Mr. Sharp if you must, but I was hired personally by Sharp, just like Dr. Strange was and the man trusts my decisions.” Arkham stared hard at Cash, and while he was much thinner and shorter, Cash was surprised by the sheer...power the man had behind his gaze. Arkham continued holding his clipboard to his chest, the knuckles around it white as he held on it the board and his anger. 

“Until then...put Mr. Joker in the cell I have indicated. Now please, Mr. Cash, do as I ask or I am sure I can find someone else who would prefer doing your job for you.” Arkham smiled, waiting patiently. 

Cash's jaw worked for a moment before he motioned at one of the other guards. “Go get a straightjacket for Jane Doe.” 

Joker giggled happily. “Oh thank you Dr. Arkham! You are a life saver and a gentleman!” 

Arkham snorted. “Just doing my job toward my patients.” 

* 

It took a total of thirty minutes before Joker was finally put into his cell next to Harley. He was also given another quick exam and was provided with some pain medication. Arkham stood outside the clear wall of the cell after the guards had carefully stepped out. 

“Joker, since you are terminal, I can provide a few comforts. Behave yourself and I will allow...visits...between you and Miss Quinn. I have also been authorized to allow Miss Quinn to accompany you to your physician's appointments if you wish, but again—and I must stress this—only if you are on your best behavior. You will be allowed a few other exceptions to your stay with us due to your condition, but only if you behave yourself; follow the rules. You are dying, so I suggest if you want these little comforts such as Miss Quinn with you, you do your best to behave as a model patient. Do you understand?” 

“Oh indeedie I do! I promise to be the bestest boy. Just you watch.” Joker smiled brightly putting a hand to the heart of his orange jumpsuit and then coughed. The cough turned into a fit that forced Joker to sit down on his bunk. He bent over, hacking until he finally caught his breath with a slight wheeze. There were bloodstains on his hands. Joker smiled looking down at the blood. He held his hand up and the weak light made the bloodstains look dark, black. 

Joker grinned. “Well lookie here Doc, I really don't have long do I?” 

Arkham frowned seeing the blood, but he nodded and sighed. It was clear from his expression he felt some sympathy for the clown despite the events of a few nights ago, despite all the death that had occurred by Joker's hand. Arkham felt the man was owed some measure of comfort in his final days... 

He looked between Joker and Harley. It was clear he was struggling with a decision. The two guards behind him, Cash and Turner shared a look. Turner glanced over at Cash, who looked worn, tired. He had given everything to this job. Hell, the man had given up a hand! Then one of these new doctors comes in here and starts to change everything; even after what the Joker had done to Arkham, to the staff...it was unbelievable that they were now standing here behind another doctor who thought he knew the best way to handle these maniacs. And this Jeremiah Arkham was the worst of the worst because he held the name Arkham. And he acted like that gave him some sort of inside knowledge into this place, into these unsavable men and woman, as if he had all the answers! These people, these murderers all, needed to be stuck in deep, dark holes and forgotten...that was what was needed. Not for the doctors to keep throwing time, medicine and money at them, not for Batman to keep dragging their asses back here only to have some doctors toss them back on the street with a slip of paper claiming they were cured...but that was exactly what was going to happen. Turner just felt it. Doctors like Arkham were going to make stupid decisions that could get them, the guards and any of the other innocent staff—not to mention citizens and police—killed. 

Turner watched Cash. The man was tensing, he could see it in the set of Cash's shoulders, his one hand rolled into a fist, the skin over his knuckles smoothing out...both of them knew they were about to hear Arkham make another bad decision. 

Arkham turned to Cash. “I believe we can let Harley Quinn stay the night in his cell,” the psychiatrist asserted. (From Harley's cell came a high pitched squeal of happiness.) 

“He should be feeling the effects of the pain medication soon. I don't think either of them will cause any trouble.” 

Cash started while Turner just blinked in disbelief. Cash said, “Sir, I don't think...” 

Arkham stiffened glaring at Cash. “Do it Cash or I will find someone who can.” 

“Sir, the patients ain't supposed to share a cell, not even if that freak is dying. I don't think...” 

Arkham narrowed his eyes behind his glasses. “You're not paid to think Mr. Cash, you are paid to do a job and part of the job is listening to the doctors, who I will remind you know what is best for the patients. Now, move her.” 

“Fine. Let me get more men...” Cash started to turn away, but Arkham held up a hand. “I think two large men such as yourselves can handle one small woman.” 

Cash pressed his lips together into a hard line. He motioned at Turner without further verbal complaint. “Come on.” 

Cash stepped over to Harley's room. He glared inside at the blonde woman. “Don't you give me any trouble. I have no problem putting a woman down.” 

Harley giggled. “I'll be as good as gold!! I promise!!” 

Cash narrowed his eyes. Harley was standing in the middle of the room, hopping in place in her excitement. Her hair was in pigtails making her look deceptively innocent. If he didn't know her like he did, Cash would never have guessed at the number of people this woman had killed or how vicious she could be. Right now she looked like a sweet, innocent young woman. Cash pulled out his stun baton. “I'm not going to have to get a jacket for you am I?” 

“No no!! I'll be good! Promise, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye!” Harley giggled again. Probably thinking about needles in people's eyes, Turner thought sourly. 

Cash shook his head then motioned at Turner to open the door. Turner nodded and together, moving with a harmony and economy of movement honed from years of dealing with patients in this asylum, Cash went in to Harley's room, taking her by her upper arm. In an ideal situation, Cash would have had more men with him; he would have cuffed her, or had a straightjacket, but Harley was being especially cooperative. She didn't protest, didn't even say anything inappropriate. She simply let herself be moved from her cell over to Joker's. Even Joker was good. He moved to the back of the cell without being told to, his back to the door hands on the wall. Cash threw Harley inside, swiftly closing and locking the door. 

Harley squealed loudly. “PUDDIN!” 

Joker turned holding his arms open to her and the little blonde threw herself into his embrace. Joker wrapped his long thin arms around her holding her tight against him. 

Arkham smiled. “There, I hope she brings you some comfort.” 

Joker giggled. “Thanks Doc. Sweet dreams...” 

Arkham nodded and turned and left. Cash gave Joker and Harley a dirty look, then followed Arkham with Turner right beside him. 

Harley sighed in relief melting against Joker before she pressed her lips to his mouth, sliding her tongue between his lips. Joker made a soft noise of contentment, holding her close and returning her kiss. She could taste blood on his lips, but she was used to that...especially with the way Batsy always liked to hit her puddin in the face. 

Harley moaned softly, her hands sliding into his hair. He lifted her up just enough that he could turn and sit down on the cot with her, and lay back with a sigh. 

“Puddin?” Harley shifted around so that she could lie beside him. She laid her head against his chest, she could hear his heartbeat against her ear, the steady thump comforting her. She tried to ignore the slight wheeze that she could hear when he inhaled. 

“Yes Harley dear.” His voice sounded weak and a little slurred. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders holding her close. She couldn't believe she was getting to be with him in his cell. Whoever this Dr. Strange was who was letting Dr. Arkham be so...stupid...was all right in her book. 

“Are you really dying?” Harley asked quietly. 

Joker chuckled. “'Fraid so dear. That Titan stuff was a bit rough on the old blood.” 

Harley started to tremble. “Puddin...” 

“Come here sweetheart,” Joker said softly. Harley rose up so she could look down on him. She smiled stroking her fingers along his narrow jaw and then through his green hair. He smiled which made her feel as if everything would be all right. 

“Don't you worry dear, I'm working on a plan.” Joker chuckled, then coughed. He coughed harder and Harley hurriedly helped him to sit up. She held him and Joker leaned against her as she wrapped her arms around him. When he finally stopped she could see flecks of blood on his hand and when he looked up at her and smiled, she saw the bloodstains on his lips. 

“Oh puddin.” Tears started to flow down her cheeks. 

He smiled at Harley, showing his gap toothed smile. “Hey now, no crying...only smiles. Got it sweets?” Joker giggled. 

Harley nodded. “I got it. But...but I ain't going to let you die. I won't let it happen!” 

Joker chuckled blinking slowly, the pain medication finally taking a hold on him. “That's my girl, always the little fighter.” 

Harley laid back down and pulled him closer nestling his head against her breasts. Joker giggled against her chest, snuggling close. “Mmm..if I have to die, I want it to be right here, in your cleavage.” 

Harley giggled at that, stroking his hair. It wasn't long before he had fallen asleep. 

* 

Arkham made his way through the dimly lit halls, heading toward Strange's office. He stopped outside the door, took a breath, then knocked. There was silence for a couple of beats before he heard Strange's soft voice answer. “Enter.” 

Arkham opened the door to see Strange sitting behind his desk. Strange wore a pair of round glasses with dark lenses. His bald head caught some of the light and shone dimly. He was sitting with his hands resting, fingers locked, on his desk, dressed in a finely tailored dark suit. Strange smiled. 

“Ah, Jeremiah, is your patient settled in?” 

He nodded. “Yes sir. I took some liberty and had Miss Harley Quinn moved to Joker's cell.” 

Strange smiled. “Ah, excellent. Perhaps a happy Joker will be a more compliant Joker.” 

“That's what I thought as well sir.” Arkham smiled with a nod. 

Strange nodded in return. “Well, we will begin the experiments tomorrow. I want Miss Quinn present. She will be our insurance of his cooperation for the experiments...he can keep her in his cell as long as he behaves, or she can become part of the experience. As much of a sadomasochist as the man is, I have a feeling he would not want his plaything spoiled by being infected with his blood.” 

Arkham frowned. “Do you think he cares for her that much?” 

Strange smiled. “Oh, I think he cares for her more than even he realizes. She is very important to him and that is something we can use against him. You did well Jeremiah. I'm assuming the guards didn't give you any issues?” 

Arkham frowned. “Cash is going to be a problem.” 

“Well, after Akham City is established, Cash—as well as Batman—will no longer be a problem. The patients will be ours to use and control. Then we can carry forth with our experiments without worry.” 

Arkham nodded in agreement. “Of course.” 

Strange stood. “Make sure everything is ready. Tomorrow we take our first steps into a new future for Gotham.” 

“Yes sir.” Arkham smiled and headed toward the door. Strange followed him and gently shut the door behind him. “Yes, we have much to do,” he said softly. 

* 

Harley woke up the next morning to the delightful feeling of her jumpsuit being peeled back and her sports bra being pulled down, exposing her breasts to the cool air of the room. She blinked her eyes several times coming awake then jumping when she felt Joker's tongue brush across one bare nipple, circling her hard nipple slowly, his breath warm against her skin. 

“Oh puddin, you awake?” Harley purred cradling his head as he sucked softly on her breast before switching his attention to her other nipple. 

Joker chuckled nuzzling her breasts. “Mm...so creamy soft...gets a man's mouth watering.” He giggled again, pressing his teeth gently into her skin. “And to answer your questions, yes I'm up my peach, and I'm feeling better this morning.” 

He started to nibble at her breast again, his hand working down her uniform, slipping down between her legs and tugging at the cloth of her outfit. 

Harley giggled with deligh. Maybe all that talk of him dying was all a big joke? Maybe he was playing a joke on all those stupid old doctors! That had to be it, no one and nothing could defeat her puddin! He wasn't really sick. He couldn't be! Not her Mistah J! She giggled again when he pulled her uniform off her shoulders and muttered against her breasts. “How the hell do I get this off of you?!” 

Harley wiggled laughing softly at the pout in his voice. “Here, let me help you.” 

She pulled her arms out of the jumpsuit (though she left her bra on, he had pulled the cloth down past her breasts anyway.) At the same time she pulled her panties down until she was naked, except for her bra. 

Joker purred. “Mm...much better, all that soft creamy skin....” 

He started to suck and lick with more aggression. Clearly he was feeling much better, full of energy this morning! Back to his old self Harley thought with delight, then she moaned. Thinking was too much trouble at the moment, she only wanted to feel her Mistah J touching her... 

Harley began to work feverishly to get his jumpsuit off of him, her hands reaching down to find him hard for her. She moaned softly and squeezed causing Joker to buck into her hands with a playful growl against her breasts. With a little awkward working and twisting, the two of them pushed and pulled at his jumpsuit until finally they were both naked and his long, thin body was pressed against her soft figure. Joker rolled on top of her spreading her legs while kissing her passionately, his vigor having returned with a good night's sleep and a healthy dose of pain meds. Harley held on to his shoulders as Joker pressed her legs back and wrapped his arms under her knees just before he thrust into her. They both groaned together. Joker's eyes rolled just a little. “Harley girl...so wet, my little minx.” 

Harley groaned. “Only for you Mistah J.” 

He kissed her hard, pressing his mouth to hers, his tongue demanding the attentions of her tongue while his hips worked hard and fast, not wasting any time, knowing that their lovemaking could be cut off at any moment. She shivered at the feel and sound of their bodies connecting. She ran her hands down his milk white shoulders, her fingers digging in and holding on while he slammed into her. 

Harley laughed with happiness which only caused Joker to giggle, the sounds of their moaning mixed with their giggles became louder. Harley groaned even louder as he started to pump into her harder and faster, the cot sounded like it would come off the wall any minute. Harley cried out, a hard quick climax rippling through her causing her to arch into him, her fingers digging into his shoulders. 

Joker groaned. “Mm...Harley...my girl...” 

Harley whimpered as the entire cot shook. The sound of metal taking usage it wasn't meant to, squealed and whined in protest, when he came with a loud groan. Harley gasped, tightening her hold on him just before he collasped against her. 

They laid on the cot holding one another when Joker giggled softly. 

“Mm...Nuthin' like a morning quickie to get a man's heart pumping!” 

But that was when he started to cough. 

“Puddin!” Harley held him, looking down with concern, rubbing her hands up and down his back. Joker dropped her legs, staying inside her, but wrapped his arms around her while his entire body was wracked with painful coughing. Harley pressed her lips together, trying not to cry as she gently rubbed his back. “It's okay puddin...it's all right, I'm here. I love you puddin...I love you.” 

After a full minute of his coughing Joker took in a wheezing breath. He tensed, then sighed relaxing against her. Harley could feel how weak he was after the coughing. 

They were both quiet for a long moment. Harley stroked his back, her legs wrapped around his as she used her entire body to hold him. 

Joker frowned and Harley could feel the movement against her breast. “Maybe I really am dying?” he said softly. “I mean...Doc said I was, but I wasn't sure I believed him. But now...” Joker sighed. 

Harley trembled, but she hissed. “I won't let you die Mistah J. I won't.” 

Joker laughed softly. “That's my girl.” 

He lifted up on his elbows to look down at her and gently play with her hair, still unwilling to pull out of her, to separate from her. Harley smiled. “Maybe the doctors are wrong. I mean, they don't really understand that Titan stuff do they?” Joker frowned his eyes drifting to the side in thought. “You know cupcake...you're right.” He smiled. “I might still have a chance.”


	2. Tests and Sex

Wearing her orange Arkham Asylum jumpsuit and the stupid little slippers they issued to everyone, her blonde hair up in a ponytail, Harley sighed, bored out of her mind. The room she was in was the epitome of boring. The walls were a beige color and all the furniture, a table, two chairs and a desk were all dull brown. There wasn’t even anything on the walls to break up the monotony…it was enough to make someone go insane she thought. She was handcuffed and her ankles were chained to the chair she was sitting on, which was an uncomfortable--of course--metal folding chair. Joker wore a grey-green hospital gown, his green hair curling around his head, framing his forehead in soft curls that made Harley long to run her fingers through it, and his favorite purple socks, sat on the edge of the medical exam table, one wrist cuffed to the table while he kicked his feet like a child. At the door to the exam room stood a guard in full riot gear, helmet, baton, and plastic shield. It was pretty funny Harley thought. They were all so scared of her puddin, even if they all thought he was dying. 

Harley refused to believe that. He was still coughing up blood and he was almost translucent white, and weak, but her puddin was never going to die. Dying was for regular people, and Joker was not regular people. He was a concept, an idea…an ideology that loved her. She smiled contently. She didn’t know how, but her puddin was tougher than that stupid Titan virus; he would find a way to beat this, she just knew it. Harley squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, fighting the hot spike of tears that threatened her. Her eyes stung and her chest hurt. She didn’t believe she was going to lose him…she just couldn’t lose him. He was the love of her life, she couldn’t live without him. Life…would lose everything that made it worthwhile to her if she lost her Joker. 

Joker frowned slightly glancing at Harley. He could see her struggling for a moment not to cry and that hurt him. He never liked to see his Harley sad. She deserved to be all smiles, all the time especially with a smile like hers, beautiful. Joker chewed his bottom lip for a moment in thought, well; he was just going to have to turn that smile upside down. It was a good thing he had thought about making her laugh in advance. 

Joker, with a slight grin, sighed loudly. He was bored too; waiting in this room to get poked and prodded wasn’t fun for anybody, least of all him since he was the victim here. He glanced slyly sideways over at Harley. 

“Wanna see something funny?” Joker’s grin spread across his pale face. 

Harley looked up with a smirk. “Maybe.” 

Joker hopped down from the exam table. The guard jerked to attention bringing his shield around to protect himself while holding out his baton, but Joker just ignored him as he spun himself around so that his back was facing Harley. Harley blinked in astonishment when the gown fell away to reveal his bare white ass. He was supposed to be wearing his boxers under the gown, but instead he was butt…naked. Harley burst out laughing as Joker stuck his ass out at her and wiggled his hips. 

“Think the doctor will be surprised?” Joker giggled. 

Harley reached as far as her cuffed hands would allow, giggling brightly. “Can you get closer puddin? I wanna pinch your ass!” 

Joker snickered and pressed a hand to his chest in shock. “Harley!! I am not that kind of boy!!” 

Harley giggled even more, tears springing to her eyes as he continued to wiggled his ass at her scooting a little closer. Harley reached out and pinched him causing Joker to squeal like a little girl which quickly dissolved into laughter from the both of them. The guard at the door wrinkled his nose in disgust at the two of them when there was a knock at the door. The guard stepped aside quickly, opening the door. Dr. Hugo Strange swept in carrying a file that he was looking through. He walked in without looking up. “Now Mister Joker.” He glanced up over the rim of his glasses to see Harley and Joker, Harley leaning over as far as she could, grabbing Joker’s butt again, while Joker held his fingers over his mouth like the little girl from the old Coppertone suntan lotion commercials sticking his ass out as far as he could, the hospital gown having fallen away. Strange narrowed his eyes at the two of them clearly not amused. 

“Mister Joker, please sit down on the examination bed,” Strange said in a deadpan voice that only revealed a slight tremor of annoyance. 

Joker giggled. “Sure thing Doc.” 

Harley narrowed her eyes at Strange. She did not like Hugo Strange. She wasn’t sure what is was about the man that bothered her so much; was it his bald head, superior attitude, or the really unfortunate beard choice…the Amish asshole look that he had going? She didn’t know, but if given the opportunity to kick him in the balls, Harley would have taken it gladly. 

“It’s Joker, or The Joker--not Mister Joker. Only I get to call him Mistah and then it’s Mistah J,” Harley said, annoyance clear in her tone. Strange glanced over at her. His eyes from behind his round glasses conveyed his condescending attitude, but Joker chuckled. “Sorry Doc, you heard my girl. Only she gets to call me Mistah J.” Joker grinned and shrugged, hopping up onto the exam table. “She also gets to call me all sorts of other things too.” He waggled his eyebrows at Strange, which only caused the doctor to frown further. Strange looked between the two of them, but made no further comment on nomenclature. “Now…Joker.” He opened the folder he had carried in. “We are going to be doing some more blood work today and Dr. Arkham has ordered a CT scan. I am hoping we can count on your good behavior? The CT scan can take up to thirty minutes and you will be required to lie still that entire time; no talking, no moving, completely still. If not, then Miss Quinn will be moved back to her own room and your “privileges” will be taken away.” 

Joker grinned and held his free hand up. “I swear to be a very good boy.” 

Strange nodded. “Very good. Now Miss Quinn can wait outside while you are having the CT scan, but first a nurse will be in here shortly to take your blood.” 

Strange looked down at his notes and nodded again. “Very good.” 

* 

Harley sighed and closed her eyes. She was sitting outside the room where Joker was being scanned. They handcuffed him to a gurney and rolled him into the room where the portable CT scanner was located. The thing looked like a large frosted doughnut to Harley. Once they were ready to begin, she had been escorted outside to another metal folding chair, this time by two guards. 

Harley had leaned her head back, her eyes closed. She was letting her mind wander, thinking about what she was going to do to her puddin once they got back to their cell. 

She grinned, maybe a little fellatio. She wanted to giggle, but kept that to herself--no point in making the guards curious. 

She had been leaning back with her eyes closed long enough that the guards must have assumed she was asleep when the one on her right, a young guy named Stan, muttered. “I can’t figure out what a hotty like her sees in that freaky clown.” 

His partner, Owen, muttered. “Hey, I guess there is someone for everyone like they say, even a freak like the Joker.” 

Stan said quietly, “But man…she is hot! Why does she want to be with…that clown?” 

Owen groaned. “Your job is to make sure she doesn’t kill you or anyone else Stan, stop worrying about who she likes to fuck and just pay attention, all right?” 

Stan grumbled. “Geez, just making conversation.” 

Harley rolled her closed eyes. A few moments later she heard a set of new voices, Dr. Hugo Strange and Dr. Jeremiah Arkham. She opened her eyes just enough to look through her lashes. She could see the two doctors standing just a little bit away from her across the hall. Arkham was holding a folder full of paper and the two men were looking over it excitedly. 

Arkham pointed at the folder. “See right here, his latest blood work. I don’t think he’s dying,” Arkham said excitedly. 

Strange frowned. “What are you talking about? He is still coughing up blood, he’s weak…” 

“Yes, but I think he is getting better. Look right here, his blood--it’s mutating! Fighting the Titan in his system, but…” Arkham took a breath. “I don’t understand it, but the strange toxins of his own blood seem to be mutating the Titan and it seems to be…curing him by mutating his blood.” 

Strange frowned and rubbed his fingers over his bearded chin. “Interesting.” 

Arkham grinned. “And it gave me an idea. Remember the nurse who took his blood the night that Batman returned him here?” 

Strange nodded. “I seem to recall that Margaret stabbed herself by accident with the syringe she used to draw the Joker’s blood.” 

Arkham nodded. “That’s right. She became infected after a few days. Joker’s mutated blood twisted her around to become this crazy, laughing insane person, almost like she was becoming the Joker. Except, she started to show signs of Titan poisoning when they brought her in. This gave me an idea.” 

Strange lifted a brow at him as he crossed his arms over his chest. “And that would be?” 

“What if we sent some of Joker’s blood out into Gotham? Infect the population?” Arkham grinned. Harley thought he looked crazed, like a Dr. Frankenstein character. 

Strange’s mouth twisted into a thoughtful frown. “And why would we do that?” 

“Because, we will be the ones with the cure. Infect the population, create an epidemic...Gotham is desperate when suddenly two doctors step forward with the cure! Can you imagine the money? The influence? We will be writing papers for every major scientific and popular paper and magazine. We will be on talk shows! Fuck Hugo! We might even get a Nobel prize!” 

Strange stared at Arkham, but a hint of a smile began to tug at his lips. “All right, I see where you are going, but how are we going to get a cure?? 

“Joker’s blood. If that freak is somehow curing himself, it’s clearly in his blood, we just have to isolate what that element is, then use his blood to create the cure! We will have an endless supply, no one will know, and even if they found out, it’s not like anyone would care. No one is going to come in here and save the clown. I’m telling you Hugo, we can do it.” Arkham grinned maniacally. 

“How do you propose we infect the population without it leading back to us?” Strange asked, but Harley could tell the man was already on board with Arkham’s plan. 

The other doctor grinned. “It only takes a drop, just one drop and that can be anywhere…it will be untraceable.” 

The two men chuckled then turned and started walking away speaking excitedly to one another. 

Harley opened her eyes with a glare. They were planning on using her puddin!! How dare they! She pressed her lips together. 

* 

That evening, Harley and Joker were finally alone. The doctors had been whisking Joker this way and that all day long, taking blood, running test, sticking him with needles or gluing electronic readers to his chest and temples. Harley didn’t realize there were so many medical tests they could perform, over and over again. Joker laughed and made jokes the entire time, but Harley saw that it was all taking a toll on him. He was paler than usual and was coughing more. Each cough was bloody and red patches were beginning to appear on his skin. Occasionally a nurse would feel something like sympathy and give him a glass of water, but otherwise they ignored him and simply used him like a genuine pig, treating him like an object or a scientific curiosity. Any time Harley would try to ask a question about what test they were performing on him she was ignored. It made Harley want to rip their throats out. The only good side of the entire ordeal was that she got to be with him, to hold his hand or simply sit next to him thanks to Dr. Arkham. She may be suspicious of the man, but when it came time for her to get her puddin out of here, she might let him live simply for letting her stay with Mistah J during all his tests and spending her time in his cell. Yeah…the man deserved his life for that…but that didn’t mean when she got the chance she wasn’t going to beat the crap out of him though. 

But finally, they were done with Joker, both of them showered and clean; they were alone, sitting on the floor of the cell together sharing dinner in their matching orange jumpsuits and slippers. It wasn’t much, but Harley ran her fingers through her hair smiling softly. She found it a little romantic to have her puddin all to herself, sharing dinner. She didn’t like the situation, but these moments with him…she loved them. Tonight’s fare was a leathery Salisbury steak, some rubbery macaroni and something green…she wasn’t really sure what vegetable it was supposed to be, but she was pretty sure there was nothing in nature that shade of green until Red grew it that way. And lastly, a slice of cake which looked a bit under baked. She wondered if this food would be considered cruel and unusual punishment. 

Joker frowned looking down at the stuff on his tray as he said mournfully. “Harley my sweet, I think they really are trying to poison us.” He wrinkled his nose at the gooey Salisbury steak sticking his plastic fork in it and holding it up. The gravy was thick with the consistency of molasses, dripping off the processed meat and plopping onto the paper plate with a mournful goopy sound. 

Harley sighed. “I know it’s not that great puddin, but you have to eat to keep up your strength. You need to eat as much as you can.” Her blue eyes pleaded with him. Joker tilted his head and met her gaze with a grin. 

Joker smiled then, lifting his brows. “You know sweets, not to be a Debbie downer, but I’m dying. I don’t think rubbery Salisbury steak is going to change that.” 

Harley looked around. She knew the cell was bugged; they were being watched all the time, the cells were equipped with cameras in the corners, mics to record…she made a face just thinking about how many free pornos the guards were getting from them. Harley sighed and leaned close to Joker over their dinner trays, her long blonde hair falling just right to hide her lips from the camera. Joker lifted an amused brow at her, but put his ear toward her lips. Harley wrapped a hand around his thin neck and licked his ear. 

Joker giggled leaning closer with a smile. She grinned and dragged her tongue along his cheek which earned her a happy purr from her clown before she whispered. “I heard the doctors, Strange and Arkham, talking out in the hall during that CT scan. They said you are mutating puddin, that your blood is fighting the Titan virus.” She grinned. “You are going to live puddin! They said your body is fighting back…something about the chemicals already in your system. Anyway, but, they want to use you, use your blood to make a cure for the Titan/Joker combo virus that your blood is causing. I don’t understand it all, but I guess you can infect people with your blood. And your blood can also be used to create a cure. They are planning to infect Gotham, then using the cure from your blood to make themselves into heroes! Heroes!!” Her voice rose just above a whisper, but she calmed herself and continued. “By using you to infect everyone then swooping in to save the day!” 

Joker turned just a little to the side to look at her, his green brows raised. “What does my blood to do people?” 

Harley shrugged and whispered. “They said something about it turning them like you…but then something about the Titan doing something too. I don’t know exactly; I was eavesdropping puddin, so I didn’t catch everything. All I got was your blood is causing something to happen to other people, but they want to make a cure with your blood and make themselves a ton of money from it. They are going to keep you here and use you to make themselves into celebrities puddin.” 

Joker grinned. “Like me? Really?” 

Harley narrowed her eyes at him and thumped him in the shoulder hard. “Are you listening? They want to use you!” 

Joker stuck his bottom lip out. “I’m listening poo, no need to be violent.” 

Harley glared at him. ‘You are not listening. This is serious puddin! They are going to hook you into some sort of milking machine to infect people then cure them!! They are going to drain you dry! It’s serious!” 

“I know, I know poo!! I was just thinking though…Gotham, populated by Jokers…poor Bats.” Joker giggled then coughed slightly. Harley glared at him grabbing his paper cup of water from his tray and shoving it at him. Joker took it, only looking slightly sorry for not fully understanding the gravity of the situation. 

Harley sighed. She just couldn’t stay angry with him. “We need to start thinking of a way to get out of here puddin. I am not going to let them use you.” 

Joker sipped his water grinning at her. “My knight in shining armor. Besides, if anyone is going to use me...it's me! Or you of course, in an N-17 way...I hope.” He giggled. 

She grinned. “You betcha Mistah J.” 

Joker set the cup aside, shoved the trays of unappetizing food away and pulled her over to him. Harley giggled crawling over and sitting across of him, her legs over his thighs, her hands on his shoulders. Joker grinned, but his eyes shone with tenderness as he reached up and cupped her cheek before pulling her close and kissing her softly. Harley scooted closer, wrapping her arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, opening her mouth against his, her tongue flicking along his lips. He chuckled opening his mouth, his tongue snaking out to meet hers. 

* 

At the guard station John, one of the younger guards, whacked Paul, one of the oldest guards at Arkham. (Paul was one of the few old timers which he felt bought him some seniority and should buy him some privileges. Paul glared at John. These new guys, usually guards at Arkham Asylum cycled through faster than prunes through the colon.) Paul, who had been leaning back in his seat, his eyes closed, jumped up startled from his nap. “What?!” 

John grinned pointing at one of the camera feeds. “They’re about to go at it again!” 

Paul narrowed his eyes at John then turned to look at the camera. The camera in Joker and Harley’s cell was located in the far left corner facing the room’s tiny cot. The two patients were on the floor, their food forgotten as Joker started to undo the buttons of Harley’s jumpsuit. He pulled the fabric back off her shoulders, leaning in to kiss the smooth pale flesh at the same time reaching up to cup her breasts still cradled in her sports bra. Joker’s mouth moved from her shoulder to her neck, squeezing her breasts, his thumbs gliding over her nipples. Harley held on to Joker’s shoulders, her head thrown back. John reached over and turned the volume on the feed up. They could hear her moan softly as Joker started to pull the sports bra up. She let go of him long enough for him to slip the bra over her head and toss it across the room before he bent down to suckle her breasts, his tongue lavishing the nipple of one, his pale hand squeezing the soft flesh while he sucked. He wrapped one long arm around her torso, pulled her closer, and sucked deeply on her sensitive flesh. Harley groaned loudly arching back, her hands grabbing hands full of green hair. 

John chuckled. “Damn, that clown gets more sex than anyone I know! Look at that!” 

Paul pinched his lips together reaching over to lower the sound. “Disgusting is what it is.” 

John frowned. “Why? She’s hot. I could watch her all day.” 

“With that freak? You know you don’t stand a chance with her--she is all his…total nut, just like him.” Paul shook his head, though he continued to watch the monitor too. 

John shrugged. “Yeah well…still fun to watch her.” 

Paul didn’t say a word, the two men watching Joker and Harley. 

* 

Harley groaned, food and viruses forgotten as Joker switched breasts. He stopped squeezing her breasts, instead reaching down between them to rub his fingers over her, pressing hard against the fabric of the jumpsuit, feeling the heat emanating from her skin. He experimented until he found the right spot that made Harley jump. With a chuckle that was muffled by her breast in his mouth, Joker started to rub gently, teasingly. 

Harley groaned, thrusting a little against his fingers. She would have moved more, but the position they were in didn’t invite a lot of thrusting on her part. Joker rubbed gently, his lips returning to her mouth, he dragged his teeth over her chin before nipping at her lips. Harley groaned and hungrily sought his mouth. He chuckled lightly, reaching out with one hand to sweep the food trays out of the way as he laid her back against the floor, kissing her passionately as he did so. Once he had her down, he let go and grabbed her uniform with a wide grin. “Let’s get this off, shall we my sweets?” 

Harley giggled. “Mm…sure thing puddin.” 

She arched her hips up as Joker yanked the jumpsuit off of her, pulled it off her legs, then quickly grabbing the cotton panties underneath and hauled them swiftly down her shapely legs. He licked his lips, his blue eyes gazing over her naked body like a starving man. 

“Mm…I feel my appetite returning…” Joker hissed with pleasure, his eyes raking over her body. Harley giggled pushing herself up onto her hands. She giggled playfully. “Well I did say you need to eat to keep your strength up puddin.” 

Joker waggled his eyebrows at her. “You did indeed pumpkin, you did indeed.” 

Joker scooted closer, spreading her legs, then slid his hands under her rear and lifted her up. Harley giggled and dropped back on her elbows, her gymnastic skills making the slightly awkward position easy, but then she forgot about everything as he laid her legs across his shoulders, his hands holding her up under her rear while he pressed his mouth to her clitoris, his tongue warm, wet, and searching for the perfect place to lick her. 

Harley groaned, her head dropping back, her eyes closed as she focused on just the feeling of his tongue on her. He licked her with slow gentle swipes, taking his time to delve into her, opening his mouth wide as he covered her and sucked, his tongue moving in lazy up and down flicks. 

* 

“For fuck’s sake! You seeing this Paul?” John blinked pointing at the screen. 

Paul blushed. “Ah…yeah…” 

“Damn…” John shook his head. “I should be taking notes.” 

Paul frowned thinking to himself maybe he should too; the wife might find that…fun. 

* 

Harley whimpered. Her orgasm had peaked and ebbed, but Joker continued to suck and lick driving her absolutely crazy! She gasped and wiggled, but that only made him chuckle and prompted him to suck more deeply, his tongue flicking over her in rapid flutters before alternating with slow, gradual licks. Harley moaned as she twisted her head back and forth in ecstasy. 

“Uh, puddin!” 

Joker chuckled again, easing her hips back to the floor (partly because it was tiring him to hold her up like that, but he wasn’t going to let Harley know that, she would have a fit and he didn’t want to ruin their lovemaking by making her worry.) 

He stood up and started to work the buttons of his jumpsuit. Harley watched him, pressing her teeth into her bottom lip and reached up to cup her breasts, pinching her own nipples as she gazed at him. Joker’s brow furrowed with desire. She looked so delicious on the floor, writhing slowly, squeezing her breasts. Joker hissed, his voice husky. 

“Touch yourself Harley.” 

She smiled dragging her tongue over her top lip, gliding her hand down her stomach, her eyes never leaving his as her fingers slid down between her legs where she was already wet from her own desires and climax and the warm wetness that his tongue had left behind. She moaned stroking her fingers over her clitoris, spreading her legs so he could watch her. 

* 

John had sat down, his elbows on the desk, his hands cupping his chin. “Does this thing have a record button?” 

Paul rolled his eyes. “All the cameras record dummy.” 

John grinned. “Think I could get a copy of this?” 

Paul sighed. “No.” 

“Ah come on Paul!” John pouted, but Paul remained firm. “No.” 

* 

Joker stood over her; the watery yellow light glowed over his pale white skin. He grabbed himself, holding his hard shaft in his hand watching Harley writhe on the floor, her fingers stroking up and down, her other hand squeezing and flicking her fingertips over one of her hard nipples. He wanted to drop on top of her and fuck her brains out, but instead focused on the delicious torture of watching her while stroking his hand up and down his hard pale member. She was glorious, his Harley. 

Her breath became ragged, panting she groaned, her body stiffening as she climaxed calling his name. “Uh…uh Joker!” 

Joker groaned, his hand moving a little faster on his member watching her climax. He hissed. “Harley…mm…Harls…” 

She stroked the side of her mouth with her tongue. “You want me puddin?” 

Joker groaned. “Yup.” 

Harley giggled. ‘Yup? You get down here and lay on your back mister. You are in trouble.” 

Joker giggled. “Yes ma’am.” 

Harley sat up reaching for his hands and dragged him to the floor. She pushed him back, forcing him onto his back as she quickly and gracefully pounced him, straddling his hips. She stood up on her knees looking down at him. She grinned, wrinkling her nose at him. “You are gonna lay there and take it.” 

Joker giggled with a nod. “Yes ma’am.” 

Harley grinned as she dragged her hands down his pale chest. She noticed that he hadn’t coughed in a while…that was a good sign…a very good sign. She reached down between her legs and grabbed him stroking her hand up and down his member ,which had Joker groaning loudly. “Oh damn Harley…” 

She stroked him a few more times. Her hand was soft, though he could feel the slight calluses from where she had practiced with her gun. All of it felt wonderful…his Harley…his harlequin…his little clown.. Joker smiled. Harley grinned watching his face, the sweet expression of a smile, the slight furrow between his green brows as her strokes sent shivers of pleasure through him. Harley loved him so much she thought…so much. She stroked him a few more times, adjusting the pressure of her fingers around him from tight to gentle before she lowered herself down on him. Joker groaned even louder as they joined together. Her warmth and wetness surrounded him as his member pressed inside her feeling that sweet shuddering sensation as she wrapped around him. Nothing on earth except a good laugh, at Batman’s expense of course, felt this fantastic. And even then, Joker had to admit that this was the best of the best feelings. 

Joker reached up and gripped her hips grinning while she started to ride him, pressing and grinding, rocking her body while she pressed her fingers into his chest. Harley arched her back, leaning back and slowly lowered herself down until her back was against his thighs. He gulped lifting up to look, seeing himself inside her. He reached forward and ran his hands over her stomach, the thumb of one hand sliding down to caress her exposed clitoris. Harley groaned throwing her arms over her head caressing the sides of his calves as she did so. 

* 

John gasped. “OMG! I wish my girlfriend could do that! You see how she bent backwards!” 

Paul groaned. “John, I’m gonna turn that camera off if you don’t stop giving a play-by-play. How can you even watch that? That’s the Joker…gross.” 

John shrugged. “That clown is hung. I can see why she might stay with him. Who’d have thought that skinny freak had a massive dong?” 

Paul groaned loudly again. 

John shrugged. “What?? It’s just an observation man.” 

* 

Harley cried out as another orgasm washed over and through her.. Joker hissed, her body tightening around him, squeezing his member in a way that had him shuddering to hold back his orgasm. She pulled herself back upright, dropping down to her elbows and attacking his mouth. He reached up, burying his hands in her thick mane of golden hair, thrusting up to meet the wickedly aggressive thrusts from her. He bent his legs, giving himself more power to meet her grinds with his own thrusts while he fisted his hands in her hair. A few patients down the hall yelled. 

“KEEP IT DOWN!!” 

Joker laughed against her mouth. Harley hissed, panting as she thrust and rolled her hips ,both their bodies covered in a fine sweat. “Oh…ah…guess I just need to be louder.” 

Joker giggled. “Mm…you wicked little minx.” 

Harley giggled rising up again and rolling her hips harder, letting herself go, her passionate cries loud enough that everyone in this wing of the asylum could hear her as she cried out, giving in to a massive orgasm. Joker couldn’t hold back any longer, watching her go all out, the wet slapping sounds of their love making, her completely loud and abandoned cries of pleasure. Joker thrust up hard, grabbing her hips and pulling her down against him cumming with a moan of her name. 

“Harley…uh..my Harley.” 

Harley dropped down to wrap her arms around his head, smiling, exhausted and happy in this moment. She sighed in pleasure, playing her fingers through his thick green hair, twisting the curling locks around one finger then letting it go to bounce back. She altered between playing with his hair and placing sweet kisses on his cheeks, nose, mouth and eyes. Joker grinned happily reaching up to stroke his fingers through her golden locks. 

“Maybe things are looking up Harls,” Joker cooed softly, kissing her. 

Harley smiled, nuzzling his neck. “You are going to live and we are going to get out of here,” she whispered. 

Joker giggled. “I’m mutating. Think I might end up like that Super Dope…I might have to get some purple leotards and start wearing my tighty whities on the outside of my clothes too!” 

Harley laughed. “You wear boxers puddin.” 

Joker giggled more. “Purple leotard and green boxers with little smiley faces on the outside!” 

Harley snorted. “No.” 

“No?” Joker twisted his head to catch a glimpse of her face and thrust his bottom lip out in a pout. 

Harley gave him a stern look. “No.” 

He sighed. “Fine. Sometimes you are no fun Harls.” 

* 

John muttered. “I think I need a cold shower.” 

Paul shook his head. “I think you need your head examined.” 

John stuck his tongue out. “Hey, you watched too.” 

Paul muttered. “It’s part of my job.” 

John grinned. “Yeah, sure it is. You sure I can’t get a copy?” 

Paul sighed. “Dude, if the clown ever found out, he would gut you.” 

John frowned. “You’re right. Fuck…think he knows we…” 

Paul just stared at him. “Don’t ever let the Clown know you saw anything…ever.” 

“Oh fuck.” John muttered, his eyes wide with fear.


End file.
